a dagger sinking into eternity..

lahat na ng kinatakutan ko.. eto na.. kelangan pa bang ilagay dito? tangina.. ewan ko lang, pero ang sakit sakit.. siguro lahat ng saya at tuwa ng idinulot ng nakaraan ay may kapalit din.. bakit ganon? kung meron man akong nagawang kasalanan.. ganto ba ang kapalit non? hindi siya nagkakapantay pantay sa aking paningin..

lahat ng kinakatakutan ko.. nangyayari na.. lahat ng ayokong mangyari at dumating.. parating na at nangyayari na nga.. kay sakit isipin na araw lang ang bilangin noong ang saya saya pa natin..araw lang..parang kahapon lang.. TANGINA! lahat na ang nangyayari ngayon nagkakapatong patong na na parang may isang pinangagalingan ng lahat..gusto ko malaman mo.. mahal na mahal kita.. yon lang..




ANG SAKIT..

Uhmm..

About time you posted something in here.. ass..wow, its been a month and a half already? Shit I never noticed. Err, well, actually I did, but since the stupid computer is not helping, my oh so long post just got deleted word for word only last last week, I got lazier and lazier to blog.

But since I got inspired by other blogs by some highschool friends, Im going to put something idiotic in here. Something to read, but not get excited upon. Sheesh..

It started not an ordinary day. It just can't be ordinary, even if you consider the fact that you ride two jeeps to her place, wait a little while for her, ride two jeeps, have a hard time bidding goodbye when you reach v.cruz street, walk a little, ride another jeep, think of not paying because you dont have any change, not paying anyways even if you do, [how do you say, bumaba sa espanya in english? takte na memental block ako.. at sadyang tanga.. hay..], walking almost a quarter of a kilometer to the ever so late magbukas CFAD building..[as mga archi.. AMIN LANG TO.. nyahaha..] and entering as it opens..from tuesday to friday, some mondays. IT JUST CANT BE ORDINARY..dont ask..

A couple of blockmates were already inside the room when I entered, I sat beside Jacky.. owing to the fact that I dont even talk to the other blockmate..He's too much of a.. weirdo..weirdo as in weirdo, surpassing CFAD standards..[our college is known for the 'weird people' it hosts..]and started on my LC plate..[color wheel sa oslo paper.. using poster colors..] I finished it roughly about 30 minutes after the professor arrived..then another color wheel on an illustration board.. then..time for DotA!! Wow..yayness.. Andy, the pro, was absent.. so we enjoyed ourselves a little bit more than the usual.. although I missed him..fafaness..[oh shet bakla na talaga ako no..]

I think we arrived at the room a little bit late.. well, nevertheless the still wasnt inside, she's always late. When she did, we were asked to show our concepts. Naturally, I didnt do mine at home, so I rushed to draw some just to say I did some. Something like that. Halfway through her calling the class in groups of three, I was told that my concepts were wrong, so I did right ones, but got bored because they still needed to be cut into exact shape. Since I dont even have an ounce of talent in me, naturally I just showed the wrong ones, and she just explained how to do it right. Because I am such a lazy moron wanting to go home because I have nothing to look forward to anyways, owing to the fact that ate's dismissal is at 9 in the evening..because of some GA.., I went with two of my classmates and went out early. As in 1 hour early. We werent doing anything anyways, so what the heck. This part of college, I like. Really like. We even had a break for ourselves, just me and Geim, after ours were checked. We just went out of the classroom and ate at the small canteen at the back of the building. How nice. You'd get chucked out if this were highschool. Onwards then..the three of us, me, Giem and Jacob, went to the pavilion at the far end of the main field. We were then greeted by Jacques and Mark, two classmates who got out too, and Jacques' <3, Lari.. The three of us, the former three, just sat there while waiting for the other three..We just sat there talking about..stuff. I even got the chance to pick up some pink and green colored rubber bands. I like collecting these stuff..absolute gayness. Then I accompanied the two to the main building to sort their requirement stuff, only to find out that the registrar's office was closed already. Jacob went the other way, while me and Geim walked all to the other side of the campus. After getting out the supposed entrance, we separated ways and I rode a jeep to taft, one of the four jeeps home. Hell, the perfect word to describe the damn traffic. Sleep was inevitable when I got home. I really HATE going home without my ate..how SAD..

pay as you order..

Masaya sa mga panahong ganun..parang walang ibang inaaalala sa mundo..blanko, wala lang. kung may pumasok man, lalabas din at puputok na parang bula..hindi mo ito papansinin, kahit gano kalaki ang tama niya, dahil alam mong mas dapat pinagtutuunan ng pansin ang kasalukuyan. Alam mong sandali lang ay matatapos din yun, pero kahit ganon, ayos lang. Paminsan-minsan pa nga, ang sasabihin mo lang sa sarili mo, "wala akong pakialam, masaya ako ngayon, saka na yan, bahala na." Madalas to eh, taking things as they come..

Pero hanggang dun lang yun eh, pagkalipas ng panahong pinakaiingatan, babalik na ang kamunduhan. Ang mga alalahanin, problema, pasakit at iba pa. Sayang, sana hindi nalang natatapos ang mga panahong ganon. Pero sabi nga nila, life must go on. Masahol man yan o hindi, tanggapin nalang. Live with it. Hay nako, wala talaga akong sense kahit kailan..

Halos tatlong linggo na simula ng huli akong magpost dito, sabi ko noon ayoko pa. Ayoko pang magkolehiyo, ganong ganon ang nararamdaman ko noon, walang pakialam, bahala na, pag dumating nalang. Eh pano ba yan, eto na siya. Ang tanging hiling ko nalang ay huwag mangyari ang kinakatukan ko. Alam mo na siguro yon. Kung hinde, malamang, wala kang pakialam..

Base sa mga kasalukuyang pangyayari, masasabi ko naman na kahit papano ay ok pa ang buhay kolehiyo, malamang puro bakante, leche yan, mag aalas onse palang ng umaga, ala una pa ang susunod kong klase. Six thirty palang nga andito nako eh. Kasalukuyan akong nasa tapat ng UST, sa may kalye ng espanya, sa isang computer shop, kasama ang isang skulmeyt sa busko. Halos isang oras lang naglast ang 7 - 11 kong klase. Asus..

Masyado nako hindi mapakali, ewan ko kung bakit, siguro dahil wala parin akong maramdaman na paramdam simula kaninang umaga nung umalis kami papunta sa eskuwelahan. Limang sakay ako para makarating ng ust. Sikreto ko na muna kung bakit, dahil 3 lang ang normal. Masaya ang umagang papunta sa iskwela. Sobra. Sana nga kahit wala pang alas sais yon magtrapik nalang ng todo todo. Hay..

Malala na tong pakiramdam na to, wala lang. Komplikado eh. Naiinggit ako in a sense na gusto ko rin maenjoy tong mga unang araw nato tulad nung sayo..Hindi ikaw, basta..

Malapit ko na rin matanggap ang mga pangyayaring to. Dahil alam kong may kapalit din ang kasiyang nadudulot ng lahat ng ito. Kaysaya ng ganitong klaseng kalayaan, kahit alam kong panandalian lang ang iba sa mga ito, lulubusin ko na ang sayang dinudulot nito sakin..sana sayo din..Gusto ko na ulit magbukas ng umaga..

ayoko pa..

eto po ang green na background..

malapit na matapos ang mga kasiyahan sa bakasyon..

malapit na mawala ang mga pinagpupuyatang gabi..

on the contrary, baka nga dumami pa eh..

naghihintay na siya, nakabukas ang pintuan..

malapit na tayo papasukin..

ayoko pa, mauna nalang kayo sa linya..

pero meron bang gusto mauna?

meron din siguro, mga halimaw sa pagaaral..

ako, hindi, wag nalang, dito nalang muna ako..

lulubus lubusin ang mga kakarampot na pagkakataon..

malapit na, malapit na.. ayoko pa..

i dont know..

The past few days have really been, utterly unexplainable. I dunno, they were, I feel a certain fit of anxiety every now and then, and, as if by a stroke of luck, a bit..responsible? I cant get the term right, but, its this feeling that I want to do everything I really am supposed to do in the least time possible. Ugh, I really cant believe that, I mean, me? So I have just realized that I CAN be a bit of a helper sometimes.. SOMETIMES..

This anxiety can kill, once unleashed, I have got this inkling sense of preboding, i really dont know, but I really want to get out and do something, get out of this house..escape those responsibilities, the chores, work, everything. I rarely get this feeling, it only comes when theres something up, and indeed, somethings definitely up. Im in the right category, but still I have to point it out specifically. But of course, I really know what I want to do, definitely, no questions. But the catch is, the one that I am referring to is the one which is the hardest to do of them all, it has the lowest success rate, I have the lowest luck in doing it and preparing of it, and as of the moment, should I try to do it, it is very likely that Im going to become the most insensitive prick of a son a mother has ever raised. Overruled, too much, too metaphorical. But as they say, you cant have too much of a good thing..[huh?!]

I sort of have a summer job, doing messenger stuff, pretty easy, although I am supposed to be paid for it, I still haven't received anything..but no matter, I think letting me go to spend a day with my girlfriend and giving me money to spend on it is more than enough. I just wish I have more of the work, so I can be allowed to go again, should the current situations allow it. My mother still isnt that well, there is the occasional hurting of the stitches in the stomach, but I think more rest would do the trick, as of the moment its the only reason that is hindering me from getting out and doing the things I want, see her, play football, go out with some friends, eat goto.. ah, the pleasures. Simple pleasures at that. I rarely get those pleasures now, so rare, even the 9/11 attack was more of a common thing, even if it only happened once. Now how freaking exaggerated was that statement. What a moron, the one whos writing this shit.

If ever you read this part, in any way possible, whether by reading it word for word or just a scan, its pretty obvious. what i wanted to do, stated in the 2nd paragraph, explained in the third, told here..I want to see my ate again, in any place possible, any time available..Patience..my only comrad..help me through this..

May Angal?!

wala lang..

hand holding - you like to be in constant physical
contact with your special someone but you don't
want to take things too quickly.


oo, napakatotoo neto.. iba talaga kasi ang dating sakin neto eh..
parang, pag kahawak mo kamay nia, nakakawala talaga ng problema..
a mere slice of heaven.. definitely..





What Sign of Affection Are You?
brought to you by Quizilla

LSS?

Eto nanaman.. ang tagal nang hindi naguupdate, wala talaga oras, well, meron, pero tong batang to, sinusumpong ng katamaran, sa totoo lang, bakit pa? Wala namang nagbabasa dito eh, naisipan ko lang maglagay ngayon kasi nakita ko ung tag nia..hehe..^_^

Madalas akong parang si beethoven, kilala mo un, ung sikat na composer na european ata, bingi siya, pero ang gaganda ng compose nia, nung panahon na yun maganda, pero ngayon? Syempre ang corny. Si beethoven kasi, madaming mga tono ang umiikot ikot sa kanyang utak, tapos, ung mga paligoy ligoy na tonong yun, nagagawa niang isang magandang 'masterpiece'. Ang galing nga eh, biruin mo, bingi, nakakacompose. Astig diba?

Pero bat ko nga ba naihalintulad ang sarili ko sa kanya? Pucha ang kapal ko naman.. hindi ako genius composer, malamang, hindi rin ako nakakarinig ng musika sa utak ko, at mas lalong hindi ako bingi.

Kasi, imbis na musika ang naririnig ko, mga salita. Tagalog na salita, parang nagnanarrate tungkol sa buhay. Madalas ko itong maranasan pag nasa jeep ako, nakatingin ng malayo, dahil sa sobrang trapik sa may JRU, at acacia lane. Wala lang, parang may nagnanarrate sa utak ko, nagsasabi ng mga katotohanan sa buhay, ung mga masasaklap at magagandang pangyayari sa bawat buhay ng tao. Para itong LSS, kaya nga lang, hindi kanta, mga salita lang tlaga, pero syempre may sense.
Kaninang umaga, papunta ako ng school, namp, ang trapik, nandun pa nga lang sa may shell may pila na ng jeep, ayon, tinopak nanaman ako. Hindi lang mga tungkol sa buhay in general ang mga naririnig ko, sa totoo lang, di ko nga boses un eh, boses ni Jorge, ung bida at best actor nominee sa pelikulang zatti na Tanggapin Mo, directed by Javerri. Ang nagnanarrate naman kanina sa aking utak, past experiences ko, may mga realizations na dumadaan, pag ginana ako, siguro ilalagay ko ung partikular na yon. Tungkol san? San pa ba, edi dun sa bagay na masaya. Pero may kinalaman ang isa ko ditong kaibigan na kinaaasaran ko pero nevertheless kaibigan padin. Eh basta, un na un.

Nakakaasar nga eh, madalas pag ako nagaganun, parang gusto kong itype lahat ang naiisip ko dito, mas masarap un, kasi mababasa ko ulit, at malay mo, may makakita pang iba at maasar sakin. Edi ok.

Pero hindi pwede, minsan nga naiimagine ko na balang araw, lahat ang pumapasok sa utak natin ay naisasave sa isang memory card na nakapasok sa ating katawan, tapos, kapag malapit ka nang mamatay, [pero siguro di ka na mamamatay dito no, kung may ganung teknolohiya nga eh, edi malamang nadiskubre na nila ang pagiwas kay kamatayan..] pwede mo siyang tingnan, pagnilayan. Magreflect kung baga. Kung pwede lang sana, lahat ang naiisip ko, nailalagay na agad dito, para di na magtatype, tapos automatic entry. O diba masaya yun. Pero pano kung galit na galit ka?
Edi puro nakacensored lahat ang nakatype sa automated mind blog mo [wow may pangalan...XD], tapos makikita pa ng ibang tao ang kasamaan mo, kahayupan ng ugali mo. Eto pa masaklap dun, pano kung isang araw ay may nakita kang chicks[EHEM...], edi syempre, kung ano ano na papasok sa isip mo, tapos maitatayp din un sa AMB mo, amp, patay patay ka nian, edi isipin ng tao lahat ng kalibugan mo.
At mas masaklap pa kung may gf ka at madalas niang binabasa ang mga e
ntry mo. [hi cha, miss na kita... ]

Sige na, ambaho nga naman ng idea ko, imahinasyon, mas madaming maidudulot na kasamaan to. Mapapatunayan nga ng sistema na ito na lahat ng tao ay may lahing backfighter. Dahil, isipin mo, lahat naman ng tao, napapagusapan din ng ibang tao diba? Sikulo lang yun. Kaya sa mga tao dian..[eheeeeemmm...] na galit sa mga bf, tignan mo muna sarili mo ha? Wag magmalinis, madumi ka din, pare pareho tayo. Kaya nga naliligo ang tao diba?

Entry ko to dati sa tabulas, medyo edited na din.. pero.. eto..
Wala nga namng nagbabasa eh, pero, salamat na din if ever..magandang araw po..

mga araw nato..

sa mga araw nato..

definitely boring, nothing much to yank about anyways..maybe thats the reason im frequenting the site update, not the entries..boring talaga..its a good thing na andian si ate..nagiging out of the ordinary ang mga araw..
ehehehe..










good day..or something..