i dont know..

The past few days have really been, utterly unexplainable. I dunno, they were, I feel a certain fit of anxiety every now and then, and, as if by a stroke of luck, a bit..responsible? I cant get the term right, but, its this feeling that I want to do everything I really am supposed to do in the least time possible. Ugh, I really cant believe that, I mean, me? So I have just realized that I CAN be a bit of a helper sometimes.. SOMETIMES..

This anxiety can kill, once unleashed, I have got this inkling sense of preboding, i really dont know, but I really want to get out and do something, get out of this house..escape those responsibilities, the chores, work, everything. I rarely get this feeling, it only comes when theres something up, and indeed, somethings definitely up. Im in the right category, but still I have to point it out specifically. But of course, I really know what I want to do, definitely, no questions. But the catch is, the one that I am referring to is the one which is the hardest to do of them all, it has the lowest success rate, I have the lowest luck in doing it and preparing of it, and as of the moment, should I try to do it, it is very likely that Im going to become the most insensitive prick of a son a mother has ever raised. Overruled, too much, too metaphorical. But as they say, you cant have too much of a good thing..[huh?!]

I sort of have a summer job, doing messenger stuff, pretty easy, although I am supposed to be paid for it, I still haven't received anything..but no matter, I think letting me go to spend a day with my girlfriend and giving me money to spend on it is more than enough. I just wish I have more of the work, so I can be allowed to go again, should the current situations allow it. My mother still isnt that well, there is the occasional hurting of the stitches in the stomach, but I think more rest would do the trick, as of the moment its the only reason that is hindering me from getting out and doing the things I want, see her, play football, go out with some friends, eat goto.. ah, the pleasures. Simple pleasures at that. I rarely get those pleasures now, so rare, even the 9/11 attack was more of a common thing, even if it only happened once. Now how freaking exaggerated was that statement. What a moron, the one whos writing this shit.

If ever you read this part, in any way possible, whether by reading it word for word or just a scan, its pretty obvious. what i wanted to do, stated in the 2nd paragraph, explained in the third, told here..I want to see my ate again, in any place possible, any time available..Patience..my only comrad..help me through this..

May Angal?!